Holiday Gift Cards

It’s the Christmas season again, the time of year to let the warmth of the holidays suffuse your entire body, time to let love and joy emanate outwards from you to all mankind, time to sing with gladness at the top of your lungs, “Merry Christmas to all!” It’s also time for that wonderful, time-honored tradition our family has developed over the last decade, one steeped in love and thoughtfulness, one based on a thorough examination of what our loved ones really want and need this year. Yes, it’s time for the annual exchange of holiday gift cards.

If there’s another tradition that says, “I thought about you for approximately five minutes this year” more so than this one, I’d like to know about it. Sign me up for it. If I really wanted to, I could spend some time getting an update on your life, your goals, your needs, your desires, your likes and dislikes – all that nonsense – but why bother when I can reach into the rack of gift cards next time I rush into the drug store to buy deodorant?

Let’s see. Starbucks? You like coffee, right? Who doesn’t? Chipotle? You like food, right? Kohl’s? You like clothes, right? And everything’s on sale. Always. All the time. Or how about an iTunes gift certificate? Admittedly, this only works for people who can hear, but if you have two working ears we’re good to go.

When in doubt, there’s always the ubiquitous Amazon gift card. I love this one. I don’t have to know anything about you to get this gift. I don’t even have to know your name. You could be an Eskimo, for all I care, a complete stranger, which makes it perfect for one of those anonymous charity giving trees: stay away from the size nine socks and the size thirty-two boxer briefs. What says “I don’t care about you at all” more than a holiday gift card?

Ah, the joys of the holiday season. My family and I have already made the decision that buying gifts for you isn’t one of them. We have other things we’d rather spend our time on. Make it easy for me: shoot me an e-mail with a dollar sign. Skip the introductions, no need to fuddle around with a family update. Yawn. I’m not really interested. I’ve already made my decision. The less time I can spend thinking about your gift the better.

If you happen to get a holiday gift card from us, know that my wife and I have spent hours, sometimes even days contemplating which card was easiest for us to order. How many keystrokes will it take to tick this holiday checkbox? Take a guess.