It’s nine o’clock at night and you’re reclining on your couch. The kids are in bed, you’re watching one of your favorite shows, and perhaps you’re reading the latest potboiler, glancing up from the pages every now and again at some salacious moment in the show. Suddenly, your spouse turns to you and makes a suggestion. It could be a new restaurant, a movie, some activity with the kids – it doesn’t matter. You only know that you don’t want to spend even the tiniest fraction of time discussing it. What do you do?
Fear not. I now have the answer to this perplexing dilemma. My wife and I have developed a wonderful shorthand for noncommittal responses, a universal catchphrase that will allow you to squeeze out of any dialogue with minimal interaction, a way to acknowledge the other person for their contribution without agreeing to lift a finger about it. The catchphrase? “That’s an idea.”
Do you see the beauty in this simple phrase? I’ve validated and ignored her all in one statement. Usually, the discussion starts with the topic of something we ought to do, something that involves me using actual energy that I’ve stored up for a weekend on the couch watching football. She’ll say, “We ought to clean up Colleen’s toys.”
My first thought as I lift my head up from my book is, What did she just say?
Then I realize that she just made a suggestion, and she’s waiting for a response. Fortunately, I now have the perfect one prepared: “That’s an idea,” I’ll say, accompanied by an approving nod, like it’s something I might actually consider as opposed to something I hope she’ll forget in the light of day.
Normally, that’s enough. She’ll go back to what she’s doing and I’ll go back to what I’m doing, nothing more required. Thank you very much.
There’s one situation you have to watch out for. You have to think quickly to counter the situation where your spouse beats you to the punch and admits it’s an idea before you do. I find it best to add an “all right” to the end. For example, she’ll say, “I thought we might go out shopping-“ Already, my mind is thinking about the Islanders game the previous night. “-for that new mattress we talked about. What do you think of that idea?”
“That’s an idea, all right,” I’ll say. It’s a little touch, but as the Rembrandt of comatosity I pride myself on subtlety and inactivity. Typically, that puts the kibosh on any hopes and dreams she may have had, and I’m able to return to the forest of mindless sports blogs known as my brain.
So will you use this? What do you think? After all, it is an idea, right?
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