I know what you’re thinking. Me? A failure? No way, dude. You’re not talking about me. Let me break it to you. I am! Come on, admit it, you suck at something. No matter how bright, talented, or athletic you are, or think you are, you know you’re terrible at something. Maybe everything. I don’t know. I’m trying to be generous. After all, I don’t know you personally, but I know there’s at least one thing you suck at.
I don’t want to embarrass you; in fact, I don’t want you to be embarrassed at all. I want you to embrace failure. I want you to shine at being dull, to excel at mediocrity, to sparkle like lead. Yes, embrace failure. Here are five ways how:
Put Your Foot in It
This could be your mouth or the pile of dog doo that your neighbor refuses to clean up, but not sequentially, or out of order. You’re bad at it, whatever it is – singing, dancing, math. Who cares? Grab the mike at that bar’s karaoke night, fake that tango. Two plus two is what? Who cares? It’s not about the details. It’s about the attitude. Put your foot in it!
Fall Down and Stay Down
They say you’re supposed to get up when you fall down (Who are they, anyway?). Try and try again, right? The only question is: why? Why can’t you just lay where you are a while? It’s so much more relaxing. Grab a pillow and take a snooze. Enjoy the pavement. Whatever you do, don’t get up again. Stay down.
How do you get down? Fall. Fall flat on your face. Fall without fear. Fall without mercy. Just fall.
Don’t Show Up
I’ve heard that eighty percent of success is just showing up. Maybe ninety. Heck, maybe it’s ninety-five. Who cares? You still have a five percent chance of failure. Isn’t it much safer not to show up at all? If you stay home, you have a 100% chance of watching “Charmed” reruns, or binge-watching your “Bugs Bunny” DVD. Who needs success when you can have corn chips?
Believe in Failure
You could believe in yourself. I mean, it’s possible. Sure, if you really think you’re worth it. Wouldn’t you rather believe in something else? Of course you would. Believe in failure. I know you’ve tried to convince yourself your whole life that you’re worth it, but come on: you don’t believe that, do you? Failure won’t let you down. Failure won’t stand you up at the movie theater on a Friday night. Failure never fails. Just believe.
Pass the Buck
Some people will say that you shouldn’t make excuses, that you should own up to your failures. They’ll tell you not to blame anyone else, that it’s a cop-out. The expression people use is “passing the buck”. People who want to take ownership will say, “The buck stops here.”
I think they’re looking at things the wrong way. After all, the buck doesn’t have to stop “here”. I mean, it has to stop somewhere, but why does it have to stop anywhere near you? Kick that can down the road. Sure you screwed up, but look around and see if you can blame someone else. Go on, point that finger and pass that buck along.
Bonus: Just Give Up
I know I promised five tips, but because I’m such a sweetheart here’s a sixth. This may be the most important one of all: just give up.
Isn’t this what we’re really talking about? Not even trying at all? It’s the easiest way out. Why fight it? Do you want to put all that effort into something? Anything? Wouldn’t it be better to admit defeat before you even start? Stay in bed, sleep an extra hour, maybe two. You’ll be fine. The world won’t miss you. Surrender to the glories of failure.
I’m tired of all these rosy forecasts of success. Enough! Forget about success. Most of us are born to be schlubs. I know I am. Embrace your inner schlubness. And grab a beer while you’re at it.
Share Your Story
There you have it, the five ways (plus a bonus) to embrace failure. You’re fully girded to go into battle and lose, or not go into battle at all. Either way. Your call. Makes no difference to me, probably not to anyone else either.
Now that I’ve shared with you these juicy failure tips, I’d like you to share your failure story with me. Any takers?
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