Pluto: the Ninth Planet

Pluto is a planet.

There.  I said it.  Pluto is a planet.  Forget this dwarf planet nonsense.  There are nine planets in the solar system and Pluto is one of them.  MVEMJSUNP.  I don’t care what the International Astronomical Union (IAU) says.  I have a much more reliable source for my information, one much more authoritative than any scientific society.  Science schmience.  What do they know?

My source has universal appeal.  He is known and respected by everyone from adults to the smallest children.  He’s been a fixture on television and in films for ninety years, and is responsible for the founding of one of the largest corporations in the United States.  Over the years, he has brought joy to billions of people.

My authority is none other than Mickey Mouse.  Perhaps you’ve heard of him?

A Mouse and His Dog

Everyone knows that Mickey Mouse has a dog named Pluto, but not everyone knows that Mickey named his pet after our ninth planet.  That’s right, Disney fans, it happened in a little gem known as “Mickey’s Pet Shop.”

Mickey had volunteered to run Mr. Palmer’s Pet Shop while he was away for a day.  One of the dogs waiting for a new home happened to be a cute, little orange puppy.  The little puppy wouldn’t leave the Mick alone, howling that night until Mickey let him sleep in the bed beside him.

Affectionate as he was, he was also a troublemaker.  The pup got up early the next morning and made a mess of the pet shop while Mickey slept.  He could tell Mickey was angry.  To make amends, he helped with the clean-up detail.  Together, they made a great team.

When Mr. Palmer came back from wherever he had gone, he handed Mickey a paycheck.  He couldn’t leave the pup behind though.  He exchanged the paycheck for the pup, and they left the pet shop a happy pair.

What would he name him though?  This was a big decision.  Mickey could have chosen any name he wanted, but he saw a newspaper with the headline “Pictures of Planet Pluto.”  That decided it.  The pup became Pluto.

I know some of you misinformed will tell me the name stems from the Greek god of the underworld.  Others will say Pluto debuted in the short film, “The Chain Gang.”  False.  I’m giving you the real, behind-the-scenes story here, none of that Wikipedia nonsense.

Alternative Universe

Without the discovery of Pluto, our ninth planet, in 1930 what might Mickey have named the pup?  Neptune?  Uranus?  I don’t think so.  Too pompous.  Skip away from the planets.  What about the standard doggie names?  Rover?  Fido?  Buddy?  Duke?  Thud.  Dull as dog doo.

No, Mickey named him Pluto in honor of the planet – yes, planet.  Take that, IAU.

Pluto and the Skulking IAU

Who are these people?  Who allowed this notorious cabal, operating in the shadows, to make this decision?  How dare they knock Pluto from its perch?  What did they have against it?  It didn’t have “gravitational dominance”?  I have a friend who weighs at least four hundred pounds who I could swear emits a gravitational field.  Is he now a planet?

Didn’t “clear the neighborhood around its orbit”?  What does this mean?  Are they talking about an intergalactic housing project?  Asteroids flash through Earth’s orbit all the time.  Does that eliminate our planet?

Only ten percent of astronomers in the IAU voted on this proposal in 2006, so it wasn’t even a majority of its own members.  Shame on you, IAU.  Who are they to tell us Pluto’s not a planet?  Don’t think you can throw us a bone in the form of two new moons, Kerberos and Styx, and expect us to be happy.

We need someone much more reliable to make these decisions for us, someone we can trust, someone like Mickey Mouse!

Pluto’s a Planet: Who’s with Me?

You know I’m right.  You know you want Pluto to be a planet again – not that it ever wasn’t.  This isn’t about formulas or equations or some set of quixotic rules.  This is about a mouse and his dog.  It’s that simple.  Who’s with me?