The Lunch-stapo
“’Vi are ‘ze Lunch-stapo, ‘und you ‘vill open your lunchbox now.” The state’s jackbooted lunch inspector towered over my five year old daughter. She didn’t know what to do. Fear slank into her eyes. She looked towards me, but for … Continued
The Awkward Spiral: How to Ruin Your Relationship with Your New Neighbors
We’re standing at the front windows, looking out past the lawn, past the mailbox, and across the street, at the home of one of our neighbors. We just moved to a new neighborhood, and already my flaws have caused a … Continued
Compressed Reading Time
Some nights I just don’t have it in me. I can’t do it. It’s been a long day, I’m tired, my eyes are red, maybe I have a headache, and I’m not in the mood to read to my daughter. … Continued
Rock-a-Bye Baby: Nursery Rhyme or Horror Story?
We have a bedtime ritual for our daughter: brush your teeth, get your jammies on, and say your prayers. After that, before the lights go out, we read a book to her. The books rise and fall in popularity, but … Continued
The Power of Negative Thinking
It’s time, everyone, time to let loose your inner pessimist. Are you ready? Are you ready to unleash the power of negative thinking? No more positivity. Let’s put an end to that. It’s time to set the bar low. Dampen … Continued